Thank God... the Nirvana we've been hoping and praying for, for so long, is finally arriving.
First Bank Protection. We, us, Citizens, finally own the largest Bank in the World. And we have our guys... the guys that wear the white hats, the Democrats... running it. We never have to lose another minute's sleep wandering and worrying if the Bank will still be there when we awake in the morning. That is now assured! We've had Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac for some time, but this is the Jewel in the Crown... Citi Bank is finally ours. And just to put some honey on that Ice Cream, our own government employees are running it!
Next... the World's Largest Insurance Company. No more Fat Cats with their corporate jets and fancy yachts.... AIG is ours. We can do with it as we please... we own it lock, stock and both smoking barrels! Hurray, hurray! Now we can put it to good use. We can sell those derivatives and insure them to boot. No more derivative failures to concern Wall Street... No more rich bastards at the till... our own men in D.C. the Dems, are on top of it.
Thirdly... we are finally the proud possessors of the World's Largest Auto-maker, the dastardly anti-American destroyers of the planet.... GM. "What's Good for General Motors is good for America," finally has true meaning. We no longer have to look at those huge ugly Hummers, those stupid "no haggling" Saturns, and the muscle car icon, Pontiac. And now, once and for all, we can get rid of that single object of affluence and waste... the hated SUV! Thank goodness they they are all history! I for one am looking forward to the day when we can each have our own honest to goodness deluxe huge green golf cart with all the conveniences we'll need. For example, just take refueling...when I want or need a fill-up I can just plug'er in. No more gas stations. No more gas taxes. No more motors that need, ugh.. OIL. Again, a Win for the White Hats... yes, we have our own Car Czar who, at the direct direction of Mr. Obama, is running the place the way a car company should be run!
Fourth, Comprehensive Health Care. Now this is a biggie. Finally, with taxes on soda and Twinkies, I will no longer sweat diabetes. With taxes on Trans-fats I will no longer sweat obesity. With taxes on the Fat Cats, I will no longer sweat the insurance coverage that 50,000,000 plus citizens, and non citizens alike, don't have. These poor bastards have been left out in the cold to fend for themselves for too long. But no more. Our guys in the white hats have got them covered. In addition, and this is a big plus for me, my insurance costs, and all my medical costs for that matter, will go down to..... ZERO! I'll get to choose my own doctor and get all the medical care this wonderful country has to offer... for free! FREE! It's my right and to sweeten the deal, the people at the DMV are at this very moment being interviewed for the prime positions in the management of it!
And now number Five... the BIG DADDY... We are at last protected, by those good souls in Washington D.C., from.... da dah.... The Weather! That's right! We no longer have to fear the weather, i.e. Global Warming, or more popularly, Climate Change. Now the weather will no longer be allowed to change. I don't have the overarching fear, each time I breath in, that the air is going to kill me. That the oceans are going to rise and destroy the inhabited world. That the polar bear will no longer have a home. That hurricanes are going to blow me away. That I'm going to fry! And it was all done with stroke of a pen through the magic of... Taxation! Cap and Trade, just a breath away (for give the pun) from final passage in the God Blessed, filibuster-proof Senate, will tax those S.O.B's that are making our planet unlivable by making stuff! Forget the fact that the weather man can't tell me what the weather will be like for my birthday golf outing a couple months downstream, or even what it'll be like next weekend... but I can now rest assured that it will be good... for my yet unborn great grand kids. AND, it means lifetime employment for Big Al Gore and his G.I.M. Corp.
Hallelujah... we are saved saved, saved at last.
Six.... Now, and I am holding my breath for this one... no pun... I am once again hoping and praying. This time for Energy Independence. I think that it is high time that we go after the Big Oil companies. They and the speculators that are their money grubbing buddies. It is time that we take a page from Saudi Arabia's book, from Hugo Chavez's book, from Iran's book, from North Korea's book... it is time to nationalize Big Oil. Think about it... with just the stroke of that almighty pen, we can own our own oil! The oil put beneath our feet by God. The oil that rightfully belongs to each and everyone of us. Exxon did not invent oil... they just pump it and then charge us an exorbitant fee for the privilege of burning it. Is that fair? I think not. Another benefit... the price of home heating oil, the price of gasoline, the price of everything energetic, will at last be stable. Why? No More Speculators! With Big Oil owned by us, we Citizens, we will be able to plan on the costs of heating our home, and until we get the new Government Motors Chevy Volt, the cost of getting back and forth to work! Of course I'm assuming that Work will still be there.... I HOPE it is, unemployment is not the CHANGE I voted for.
Go Obama... get those S.O.B's while the gettin' is good! Yahoo! Go America!